


Stay Alive

by 30secondstotheimpala



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-07-23 18:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16164230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/30secondstotheimpala/pseuds/30secondstotheimpala
Summary: Yugi is a young teenager who not only has to deal with the trials of life, but also has to live with bipolar with psychotic features.However he doesn't know about it yet. He Hears a voice and is unsure what to do or who to tell. Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, AU(old fic posted on ff.net in the process of a rewrite)





	1. Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very old at this point but i've gotten some inspiration to start working on it again. So parts of it will be re written. Ive aged a lot since i first started this story and i wanted to make it better.  
> trigger warning :self harm; paternal abuse; oneside love more possible to come.

Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul.

 

    It was a rainy Friday and Yugi sat in the room that he shared with Yami and began to sob. The pain that was in his head seemed to surge through his chest. **"Why don't you just do it? No one really wants you around, they just don't have the heart to tell you."** A Voice inside Yugi began to say.

Yugi got up off of his small twin size bed and crossed the room to the dresser. Inside held a tiny box that the boy had kept from the rest of the world.He has almost had the box open when he heard a knock at the door.

Yami walked into their tiny-shared room and looked at Yugi with a look of concern on his face. " What are you doing YugI?"

Yugi turned to his other half and smiled, "Nothing just grabbing a pair of socks."

He said ever so slightly putting the lid on the box and picking up a pair of socks.

**"He'll never love you. How could he look at you, who could love that."** The voice inside Yugi whispered in his ear again. It was like someone standing right beside him that he couldn't see.Someone that knew his innermost private thoughts,and how to use them against him.

Yami waved a hand in front of Yugi's face. "Hello Earth to Yugi.." Yami said once again concern filling his voice.

"Sorry Zoned out" Yugi said once again returning back to his usual bubbly self.

"Ok, Well Grandpa and I are going to the store. Will you come down and watch the shop until we get back?" Yami asked concerned still filling his voice.

"Sure." Yugi said looking back at his dresser longingly.

   Things down in the game shop were just as dull as they always were.Not a single person had come in the store in the hour he was down there. Yugi sat down on a stool with his elbows on the counter deep in a magazine. He looked at the guys in it and wished that he looked like them, Most of them were tall and had normal looking hair styles and a nice tan. He then looked in the mirror that hung in the corner of the shop and the sight before him made his stomach turn. Maybe the voice was right, how could Yami ever love someone like him? He was so engrossed in the sight that he saw before him that he never heard the bell over the door of the shop telling him that someone had entered the shop.

"You trying to find out if mirror people exist?." Joey asked smiling at his best friend

"Huh? No Joey i was just looking at some things." Yugi said doing his best to avoid his friends gaze. Joey always could see through Yugi's fake smiles.

"So what's really going on my friend?" Joey asked sporting a new bruise on the side of his face. Yugi felt that he problems were so small compared to Joeys.

"It's nothing Joey, I promise." Yugi said wondering if Joey could see the sadness in his eyes, he had hoped that he couldn't.

"Bullshit Yug. You should know that you can't like to me. I know you like no one else. Now let me guess its Yami isn't it." Joey said eyeballing Yugi.

"yeah, but there is more to it than that..." Yugi started to say when Joey's phone rang.

"it's just Seto, he'll get over it. Look Yugi, I know that you love him, and if I know him part of him loves you just as much. But you've got to get it in your hear that until he wakes up and sees you're the best thing for him that he just wants to be friends," Joey said ignoring yet another phone call from his loving yet sometimes insane boyfriend.

"God I hate the word." Yugi said with a lone tear rolling down his face.

"What word?" Yami asked walking in the house with a few bags of food.Yugi and Joey never heard the back door open, they had been so deep in conversation.

" faggot." Yugi said with a forced smile on his face.

" yeah, I was telling Yug about some of the things that my dad called me last night." Joey said looking at Yugi with a knowing look. He was always the keeper of Yugi's secrets.

" How have you been Joey? Do I need to go over and give your dad hell?" Yami said looking at Joeys face.

"Naw its ok, Imma go stay with Seto for a few days, maybe I can get lucky while I'm there." Joey said wiggling his eyebrows. To which Yami chuckled and Yami sighed.

 

 Things settled down after Joey left to go be with Seto. Yami had gone to go put away the food and start dinner.Leaving Yugi alone with his thoughts until it was time to close the game shop. He locked up and went straight up to his room passing the kitchen on his way there. He stopped for a minute to take in the sight of his other half.Walkman earphones in his ears, cutting board in front of him with something on it. Yugi couldn't be bothered to pay attention to it while he could be watching Yami's hips sway in time to whatever he was listening to.

Yugi tore himself away with angry thoughts oh how he would never again be able to grab those hips and feel their softness. He climbed the stairs to his shared bedroom and walked over to the dresser. His hands went to the box so fast it almost seemed like muscle memory. He grabbed the razor blade inside and put it in his pocket. He shut the drawer and reached for his jacket and left the room.

"Grandpa I'll be back." Yugi said walking out the door.

Yugi ran all the way down to the park and found it just the way that he wanted it, abandoned. He walked to the back of the park, to the part where people had their picnics. He laid down on the table and just listened. All was quiet around him; the only sound save for his own breath was the occasional car that went down the street. The early night air was crisp and for a brief second Yugi had some peace. **"Do it, you won't be missed, in fact people will be more pissed because they have to spend money to bury your ass. And think about it.. without you around Yami will be able to get that girlfriend that everyone knows that he wants.** "Came a voice from inside Yugi.

 Maybe the Voice was right, he thought as he sat up and pulled out his razor blade that he had hidden away. He pulled up his jacket sleeve and sighing he make the first slash on his pale arm, and let go of the breath that he didn't know that he was holding.The cut wasn't deep, but it was just enough to feel a sudden rush.It was as if his pain didn't matter any more. He watched calmly as a thin trickle of blood made it's way down his arm. Up until this point cutting himself was always just a thought that he had. Now that he had actually done it, he could see what the draw was. It was like like his problems didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was this feeling. He smiled as the rush faded.

 Suddenly he heard a car door close and he got up and put his blade back in his pocket and pulled his sleeve back down, and began to walk. He didn't know why anyone else would be at the park this late, but he didn't want to find out.


	2. Alone with Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi tries to fake to grandpa and the rest of the world that everything is ok. But Yami knows his secret or so he thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much rewrite to this chapter.

**Chapter 2:alone with nothing**

**Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul.**

  
  


Yugi didn't know how he knew, but he knew Yami was there. He knew it like how a mother knows that there is something wrong with her child, It was like he could feel his presence when ever they were close. He often wondered if Yami also felt this connection, because it always seemed whenever Yugi was truly hurting he was there.

 As Yugi walked up towards to front of the park he could only feel one thing, anger. He didn't know who the anger belonged to, he could just feel it. The way that Grandpa could feel when there was a storm coming.

At the front gate was Yami. Leaning against the fence with his arms crossed.Yugi could see his breath in the cool night air.  Yugi stopped about five feet in front of him and just hung his head. Yami simply turned around and said, "Get in the car."

The ride back to the Game Shop was a quiet one, with neither boy saying anything.The radio wasn’t  on, the only sound was air blowing in from the partially cracked window. Finally after what seemed like an eternity Yami broke the silence.

"I know that you've done and I have half the mind to take you to the hospital, But I'm not going to put you through that." Yugi felt the tears welling and was unsure about what he should say to Yami. 

Yugi became lost in his own thoughts. How did Yami know? He thought that he had kept everything under wraps so well. 

"  **_Go ahead, tell him that you love him so he will laugh."_ ** The voice told Yugi, but all he did was hang his head.

" When we get home, I'm going to clean you up and then I'm going through all your drawers, but while I'm doing that, you have to go eat." Yami said never taking his eyes off the road. 

“That's how he knew. He puts the clothes up and had to have seen the box” Yugi thought to himself

They pulled into the Driveway and Yami got out of the car. He walked up the Game Shops door and waited, but Yugi still sat in the car.

“I wish he could have just left me there” Yugi thought to himself.

Yami angry walked over to the car and threw open the door," If you don't want Grandpa to find out, you had best come on." To which Yugi got out of the car.

Yugi walked up to the bedroom that he shared with Yami. He opened the door and flung himself on the tiny bed.

Yami came in moments later with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and other wound cleaning supplies to see Yugi small pale arm covered in  dried blood and a cut about four inches in length. It was in a diagonal down his forearm, most of the blood had dried an ugly brick red color. 

Yugi looked up at a fuming Yami to see his hand coming at him, and when it did make contact it was hard. 

"What the fuck is your problem?" Yami asked his eyes glowing bright blood red.

Yugi couldn't answer, he couldn't tell Yami and everything that was going on in his head. So he just shrugged. 

Yami grabbed Yugi's arm and picked up a cotton ball that had been soaking in the rubbing alcohol and began to clean his arm. Yugi felt the tinge of pain at the liquid came into contact with his fresh wound, but he welcomed it. Yami was spending time with him. Just him.

When all the blood was gone, Yami put a gauze on the cut and taped it off and wrapped it. He then went into Yugi's drawer and handed him a new shirt. "Now go eat so Grandpa doesn't get worried."

 

Yugi walked down stairs and looked at the table. The food looked perfect, only Yami could have made it. He sat in his normal seat across from Grandpa and watched as he took a bite of a piece of bread.

" What's wrong Yugi? You look kind of pale, are you not feeling well? Cuz if not then I'll make a doctors appointment." Grandpa said between bites.

"I'm fine Grandpa, I promise." Yugi said forcing a smile to his face.

" **_Ahhh wait a go, now your lying to the old man. I have no idea why he loves your pathetic ass so much. I wonder if he would still love you if he knew you were a freak."_ ** The Voice inside Yugi's head said sounding ominous. 

“The voice is right, would Grandpa still love he if he knew I was a freak?”thought Yugi as he took a bite out of his dinner.

 


	3. A Beautiful lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi learns about the troubles his friend Ryou is going through; Yami takes steps to help Yugi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone that had read the original posting of this on FF will notice that i put parts of Chapter 4 into this. I told you guys i was rewriting this right *wink*

**Chapter 3: A Beautiful Lie**

**Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "A Beautiful Lie" that is owned by 30 Seconds to Mars**

 

Lying in bed that night Yugi wondered where he failed.He didn’t understand why he had this overwhelming sadness. Why all he wanted to do was die. He didn't want to feel like this any more, but there was only one way that he knew how to fix it… and he had failed. His arm not only itched but it felt like there was liquid fire in his veins. 

 

Looking over at the clock he sighed, wondering if anyone was awake at 3:45 in the morning. He got out of bed and walked downstairs to where the computer was. He turned it on and opened up his facebook. He noticed that only one person was on and that was Ryou.

**Yugi Moto: What are you doing up so late?**

**Ryou Bakura: Nothing much Yugi, just dealing with the same shit different day.**

**Yugi Moto: What's wrong Ry?**

**Ryou Bakura: Something bad has happened Yugi, I don't know how long I'm going to be able to talk. Kura might wake up soon.**

**Yugi Moto: What happened Ry? Is everything all right?**

**Ryou Bakura: No Yugi… If I can get away tomorrow I will tell you. I'll have to call you, Bakura is waking up… I have to go.**

 

With that Ryou signed off. Yugi disappointed that no one else was on, shut off the computer. He walked back up stairs and as he passed Grandpa's room all he could hear was the old man snoring. He felt a pain in his gut when he listened to the old man. He knew out of the entire world that he loved Yugi, even if no one else did. Yugi thought about what he had  done in the park and felt even worse. How could he do that to his Grandpa? That man raised him, and made sure that Yugi never went without anything, and Yugi was going to hurt l himself over a boy and a voice that told him to do it. Yugi made a plan to ignore the voice and return to the happy Yugi that everyone knew and loved.

 

Walking up back up to his room the voice decided that it was going to show its ugly head again.

" **_Do you honestly think that you can get rid of me? Really? You make me laugh. You make this promise to yourself tonight. But trust me.. you'll be like this again soon."_ **

Yugi shook the voice off and walked passed Yami and climbed into bed. " _ No. I won't let you get the best of me." _

The next morning seemed to come too soon. Yugi just wanted to lay there and never move again. He hated life and everyone in it. Just as he began to verbalize how much, his phone rang and he was reminded of the night before.

"Hello Yugi, it's the only chance I have to get away. Kura is off with one of his friends. Can you meet me out by the park?" came the British sounding Ryou on the other side of the phone.

Yugi turned to look at the other bed, and noticed that Yami was gone. He got up and quickly got dressed and sprinted downstairs. He found a piece of paper and wrote down where he was going, that he was meeting Ryou there and that it sounded urgent. Walking to the park, Yugi felt the itch that was building behind the bandage that surrounded his pale flesh.

Ryou was sitting on a bench seat with a hood up when Yugi walked up to him. Yugi had to lean down to make sure that it truly was his small British friend.

"Its me Yugi" Ryou said looking away.

"Ryou? What's wrong?" Yugi said pushing Ryou's hood back.

 

What Yugi saw on his small pasty friend was quite frightful. Ryou's left eye was purple and swollen shut. His other eye was bloodshot and puffy. Yugi assumed that it was from tears. Yugi pulled up Ryou's sleeves and saw claw marks up Ryou's arm. It looked like he had been in a one sided fight.

"Ryou? What happened? Who did this to you?" Yugi asked tears in her eyes.

"Kura and I were fighting last night over bills and things just got out of hand." Ryou said looking down.

"A little out of hand? Ryou have you looked at yourself?" Yugi said kneeling down in front of Ryou

"Yeah, I know that it looks bad, But Kura realized what he did and cleaned me up and promised that he would never to it again." Ryou said looking out the eye that wasn't swollen shut. Yugi took pity on his friend, but was very worried about him.

"And you believe him?" Yugi asked.

Ryou was about to answer, but his phone started to ring.

"Its Bakura.. He doesn't know I left the house or that I'm talking to you. I have to go."

"Stay at my house.. Please?" Yugi pleaded

Ryou answered the phone, while listing to Bakura's shouting he mouthed, "I can't". He got up and hugged his friend and began to walk towards his car, all Yugi could hear was "I'm sorry baby. I was in the bathroom and I left my phone in the living room."

 

Yugi watched as Ryou's little red car zoomed away. He was worried about his friend, broken because he couldn’t help himself, how was he supposed to help Ryou. 

Ryou actually needed Yugi and he was so self absorbed that he couldn't do the things that Ryou needed, And that made Yugi feel even worse.  

 

He walked over to the swing set that was supposed to be the location where happiness happened. And as Yugi sat on the swing all he felt was despair. He thought about his poor friend and then he remembered what pants he put on. 

Yugi reached into his pocket and felt the tiny prick of the razor blade against his finger. He took it out and pulled his pants down a tiny bit. Without even thinking he quickly ran the blade against the skin of his hip three times. Within seconds the feeling washed over Yugi along with three trails of blood.

Once the rush faded Yugi cleaned himself up with a napkin that had been stashed in his pocket for a different reason and made sure that he didn’t have a blood on him. He quickly walked back to his own house. He walked in the front door of his house and there was Yami sitting at the table fuming.

" I went upstairs to bring you breakfast and you weren't there." Yami said sucking on his top lip.

" Chill out. Ryou called, he needed someone to talk to. Bakura beat the shit out of him last night. He looks bad." Yugi said walking past him.

Yami was about to scold him some more, until what Yugi said actually hit him. He watched Yugi open the fridge and looked for any more marks on his arm. He didn't see any, just the already bandaged one.

"Damn. I knew something like this would happen.. Poor Ry. Hay don't make a big meal, me and you are going somewhere." Yami said walking out of the room.

"Where?" Yugi asked mid chew.

" **_Don't get all excited. Its not like he's taking you on a date.. Remember… he doesn't want you."_ ** The voice in the back of Yugi's head laughed.

"You done yet?" Yami said peeking his head in the kitchen

"Yeah.." Yugi said looking at the rest of his muffin and deciding to throw it away.

 

Yugi yelled down to his Grandfather that he was leaving with Yami and the he would be back. He walked out the door and out to the car with not a care of what was to happen next. All that he knew was that he was with Yami. Anything in the world could happen and it would be ok, because he was sitting next to the love of his life

 

Yugi sat in the car, nodding his head with the music that Yami had put on the radio when he felt his hand vibrate. He looked down and saw that it was from his good friend Joey. 

_ "hay haven't heard from you.." _

Yugi was going to blow off the message, he was too focused on spending time with Yami,when he  looked over at him.

"Who was that." He asked keeping his eyes on the road.

Yugi sighed, " It was Joey,"

He said answering the message with " _ about the same. But I have something to talk to you about." _

Yami looked over at him" Tell Joey that I said Hi.”

Do you want to stop somewhere and get some lunch" Yami asked

"Naw, I'm good.. Where are we going." Yugi asked eyeing Yami

"You'll see when we get there Yugi." Yami said with a straight face.

Yugi looked at Yami and shrugged and decided to look out of the window. He didn't know where they were going, but he trusted Yami. The view outside of Yugi's window changed from Downtown Domino City to a very suburban area.

 

After driving for what seemed like forever they pulled into a parking lot of a building. It was a very manicured lot from what Yugi could tell. Yugi was stilling trying to figure out where they were, when Yami started to speak.

"Yugi, before you Freak out." Yami started


	4. Alibi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yami forces Yugi to see a therapist

Chapter 4 :alibi   
  
Disclaimer: Still don’t own Yugioh, or 30 seconds to mars  
  
"Yami, where are we? What do you mean before I freak out? Yugi asked his violet eyes growing large.  
"I called to get you in to see a doctor, after what happened." Yami said nodding over to Yugi's bandaged arm.  
"It's fine Yami. It's over I don't need to see a God Damn doctor!" Yugi said rapidly losing his trust in Yami  
' Yes you do Yugi. I see you fighting with yourself, I see the pain and hurt in your eyes. I'm worried about you and frankly a little afraid. So this is it… Go in there and talk to the doctor person or I'm going to be forced to take you the hospital." Yami said blinking the tears out of his eyes.  
  
Yugi sat there and looked at Yami. He felt the sweat drip down the back of his neck. The sun was beating down on the car and everything seemed still. Yugi felt very betrayed and foolish for getting into the car with Yami. But for all the feelings of Betrayal, Yugi still felt an even bigger feeling… Love.  
 “So this is where you stand on the issue huh, No discussion with me about it?” Yugi didn’t try to hide the malice in his words.  
“ I meant it Yugi…” Yugi took in Yamis face and knew that there was no getting out of this.  
  
He opened the door and took one last look at Yami who was still not looking at Yugi. He shut the door and did his best to hurry along into the building. The longer he stood outside the more betrayed he felt.   
Yugi walked into the seemingly innocent building and noticed how cold everything felt and how no one was in the waiting room. He turned to face the glass door he just walked in to see Yami in the car,notebook in already knew what would happen if he decided that he would skip out on this. He would never hear the end of it and then he really would be in the hospital. Sucking up all of his pride, he walked up to the front counter. An older woman with fake blond hair and boobs to big for her frame looked at him.  
"Can I help you hun?" She asked sounding a little bit too cheery.  
"Yeah.. I'm here for my first appointment." Yugi said looking at the wild-eyed lady, wondering if she was sampling the meds that they were bound to put him on.  
"Ok! what's your name hun?" she said still smiling "Yugi Moto" he said pushing his pride back down.  
"Ok,I'll tell the doctor that you are here. Go have a seat." She said picking up the phone.  
Yugi walked over to the seat closest to the exit door. He looked at the "inspirational" posters that were on the walls.  
"You should have known something like this was going to happen. I don't know why you got all excited to go somewhere with him." The Voice whispered in Yugi's ear.  
Suddenly the door by the receptionist opened and a large lady with wavy brown hair and glasses said "Yugi Moto?" Yugi got up and slowly walked over to her.  
"Hi, Yugi. My name is Leslie Delgado. Come with me." She said walking down the long hall for seemed like forever they came back to a door.  
"This is my office, come in Yugi." Leslie said ushering Yugi in her office.  
Yugi chose the seat closest to the door and sat down and held his breath.  
Leslie shut the door and sat down in her seat. She reached over and grabbed the folder and pen that had been on her desk and looked at Yugi.  
"Ok Yugi, tell me how your feeling today." She said looking at him with a smile.  
"uhh. ok, I guess" Yugi said chewing on his bottom lip.  
"ok, so what bring you in today?"Leslie said writing in the folder that she had just taken off her desk.  
"My friend told me that if I didn't come in that he would take me to the hospital." Yugi said with a sigh.  
"and why is that Yugi?" Leslie asked looking at him.  
"It's a long story, really..." Yugi said trying to avoid the subject of why he was really there.  
"It's ok. I have a long time." she said with a smile.  
Yugi sighed and started to tell Leslie about everything that happened over the last few weeks. Except for the part where he was hearing a voice in his head.  
"Why don't you just tell her about me? See what she says, and I'll laugh as the men in the white coats come." whispered the voice.  
As the voice whispered in Yugi's ear, Leslie studied his appearance."  
"Is that all Yugi?" She said eying him.  
"Yeah that's it." He said a bit hurried.  
"Well Yugi. I want to keep seeing you. At least twice a month, here's my card. Call me if you need to see me before your next appointment." Leslie reached over to Yugi and gave him a card. Yugi grabbed it and put it in his wallet.  
  
Yugi walked back to the door and felt his taste of freedom. He opened the door and felt like he was punched in the chest. The air was so thick outside that it was hard to breathe. Yugi slowly walked over to the car half expecting to see Yami inside dead of heat stroke. But instead he saw, his traitorous best friend in the driver side pouring over a notebook.  
  
Yugi stood there for a moment and looked that the beauty that is Yami. He saw the drops of sweat drip down his neck and wanted to get in the car and lick them, wondering what Yami's skin tasted like  
 **"I bet he taste good, why don't you go and do it? Oh! That's right. He doesn't want you** , " Yugi could sware that the disembodied voice seemed to smile through his words  
Yugi sighed and knocked on the window, to which Yami jumped up and looked confused. Yugi smiled and shook his head.  
"Can I get in the car? its like a million degrees out here." Yugi said fanning himself  
"Yeah.. Sorry." Yami said unlocking the car..


	5. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi goes to Lunch with Joey to clear his head and feel better, it almost works until he comes home

Chapter 5:My Songs Know What You Did in The Dark  
Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul.

 

The ride back to the house seemed to be very awkward and quiet, Yugi was torn between the anger that he felt towards Yami for making him go see a therapist and the love that he couldn't help but feel for him.  
Once in a while Yugi would glance over a Yami to see him making funny face while he was trying to concentrate on the road. Finally after what seemed like hours Yami broke the silence.  
"So how was it?" Yami asked not taking his eyes off the road.  
" Ok I guess. She wants to see me twice a month, and gave me a card with her phone number on it."  
Yugi said biting his lip.  
" Well maybe it will be good for ya, be able to work on the issues that you have." Yami said glancing at Yugi briefly.  
"Issues?" Yugi asked turning to face Yami as good as he could in the cramped car.  
"Yugi.. you're cutting yourself... you have some issues."Yami said matter of the factly.

Yugi didn't know what to say to Yami so he just scoffed. He was so angry that he could almost feel the steam leaving his ears. He was at the point that he didnt want to even look at Yami anymore,so he pulled out his phone and looked at it. He really wanted to talk to Joey. He always knew what to do. He knew that they had to pass Joey's house on the way to his own. " Drop me off at Joey's house." Yugi said staring out the window.  
"Yugi..." Yami said  
"Im serious.. drop me off at Joey's house. I need to talk to him." Yugi said.  
"You can't just text him?" Yami asked  
" No, i need to see him." Yugi said continuing to stare out of the window.

Yugi assumed that Yami gave in because all he did was sigh and stopped in front of Joey's house. Yugi gathered up what little stuff he had brought with him and got out of the car and started to walk off when he heard the horn of the car honk behind him.  
" Call me when you want me to come get you." Yami said through the rolled down window.  
" Whatever." Yugi said walking up the steps to Joey's house.

Yugi walked up to Joey's door and beat on the door, praying that Joey's dad wasn't home. Finally just as he was about to give up and sleepy looking Joey came to the door in a pair of blue boxers and nothing rubbed his eyes and looked down to see his very short stressed out friend.  
"What's wrong Yug?" Joey asked yawning  
" I just need someone to talk to that isn't Yami." Yugi said looking at his tired looking friend.  
" Well I'm here my short friend." Joey said smiling.  
"Is your dad home?" Yugi asked looking around Joey half expecting to see his half drunk father coming to the door with a beer bottle any moment.  
"Nah. Come in, It's a mess though." Joey said half heartedly smiling.

Yugi walked in and almost instantly was hit with the smell of stale beer and pee. He knew that its wasn't Joey's fault that the house was like that. H had told Yugi the first time that he went to his house, When his parents were still together it was never like this. His mother was a neat freak and would have never let the house get like this. His mother also didn't like his father to drink, but once she had left his father picked up the bottle and never put it back down.Yugi was thinking about everything when Joey came back from his room, this time a little bit more decent. He had put clothes on at least.  
"So Yug? What's got ya all stressed out?" Joey asked opening the refrigerator and seeing nothing.  
" So Yami tells me this morning that me and him are going to go on an adventure... he takes me to the fucking shrink." Yugi said letting his anger boil to the surface.  
" Damn, I mean i can see his reasoning for tricking ya.. I guess. but I mean damn that is pretty low.." Joey said  
"Yeah.. and then in the car, he said that i had some "issues" that I need to work though... I wouldn't have any issues if it wasn't for 's the source of all my damn issues." Yugi trying to steady his breathing.  
"Yeah, You didn't have any issues when i met you. except for the fact that you were shy as hell." Joey said smacking Yugi in the back of the head.  
"fuck you.. you hungry?" Yugi asked eying his tall lanky friend.  
"Always!" Joey said smiling.  
Yugi and Joey left Joey's house and walked 4 blocks over to a restaurant to get something to eat. Yugi tried to eat, but the whole time he just thinking about how much Yami pissed him off and the thought of food made him sick.  
So instead of eat he listen to Joey tell him about his latest episode with Seto and about how he was never going to get back with him again, even when he knew that they would be back together in about a week. Yugi smiled and wished that he and Yami had what Joey and Seto had,even when it was bad.

Finally after about 30 minutes of listening to Joey complain about Seto and his dad, Joey looked up and said " are you going to eat that?"  
"nah, you can have it Joey." Yugi said smiling at his best friend.  
"Sweet!" Joey said grabbing Yugi's burger.  
All Yugi could do was laugh.

After about another hour Yugi hugged his friend goodbye and started his mile or so walk to his house. He plugged his headphones into his phone and found an artist that he thought he could listen to for a while and started to walk. He didn't think about Yami, about Leslie, the voice in his head or anybody. He just let the beat of "the dog days are over" carry him home. He seemed happier than he had been in awhile, Just listening to music and simi dancing his way home.  
Yugi walked into the house about a quarter after 6 and was still in a great mood. He could hear Yami in the kitchen pacing a whole in the floor talking to someone. He wasn't sure who, but the conversation seemed deep.  
" Yeah babe. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I really don't. I wish that i did." Yami stopped short when Yugi walked into the kitchen.  
" Hay, Tea? let me call you back." Yami said hanging up the phone.


	6. What a catch, Donnie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi has enough and decided to go spend the night at Ryous

Chapter :What a catch, Donnie

 

Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul.I also don't own "what a catch,Donnie" That is by Fall out Boy. Story is unbated so all mistakes are my own and I own up to them. However if someone one wants to Bata for me that would be love.

 

"You didn't call me to come get you.." Yami said looking slightly down at the floor

" i am perfectly capable of walking home.." Yugi said as he started up the stairs.

" I realize that, but you could have at least called.." Yami said as Yugi slammed the door to their small bedroom.

 

Yugi could feel the tears run hot down his cheeks. He knew that Yami and Tea where friends, but he didn't understand what she had that he didn't. Tea didn't see Yami as anything but a friend, and yet Yami was head over heels in love with her. Yugi did nothing but love Yami,despite all of his faults and yet it was her that held Yami's heart. Yugi  flopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling and despite his best efforts the tears still fell.

" **See.. I told you that he didn't want anything to do with you.. It seems that his heart belongs to Tea.. Someone that is not a freak."** The voice said trying to sound comforting.

 

Yugi pulled out his phone and scrolled down to Ryou's name and began to write him a sad text message. He then reread it and deleted it and started a new one.

"What are you doing?" Yugi pressed send

A few seconds later he got a reply from Ryou

"Nothen much. enjoying the scilence. Getten ready to poke some smot."

"ha. sounds fun" came Yugi's reply to the message.

" I got the house to myself for the next day or so. You can come over if ya want." Yugi looked at the message for about a minute and then decided to go with it. It seemed like a better idea than sitting in the house fighting the tension with Yami.

" Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit.=]" Yugi sent, getting up to pack an overnight bag.

Yugi began to pack up a pair of jeans and tshirt for the next day and another pair of boxers and his body spray, where there came a knock on the door.

" Yugi.. can we talk about this.." Yami said opening the door.

"there is nothing to talk about." Yugi said smiling walking past Yami.

"Where you going?" Yami asked sounding somewhat appalled that Yugi was going anywhere.

"I'm going to Ryou's for the night." Yugi said walking down stairs.

" Well don't you think that you need to tell someone..' Yami said with his hand on his hip.

" Yeah.. your right...Bye Grandpa. I have my phone one me." Yugi yelled pushing past Yami to get out of the door. He walked down stairs, took one last look at Yami and opened and slammed the front door.

The walk to Ryou's wasn't a very long walk, with the music that he had to accompany him. He walked at a brisk pace and felt like he couldn't wait to see Ryou. He finally walked up to Ryou and Bakura's house and knocked on the door, praying that Bakura didn't come back early. Ryou finally came and answered the door, long white blond hair pulled up in a pony tail and eyes bloodshot red.

"Yuge.. You made it." Ryou said hugging his friend.

"Yeah, I wouldn't let ya down." Yugi said hugging his friend back.

"Well come in, before you let the smoke out and the whole neighborhood gets a contact." Ryou said laughing as he closed the door behind Yugi.

Yugi walked in the tiny apartment that Ryou shared with his overly jealous boyfriend and walked back toward the bedroom, putting his stuff down he noticed how clean everything was. He smiled and then looked over at the wall by the door and noticed a hole what was there. He didn't want to bring it up to Ryou, he just assumed it was from a night that Bakura had too much to drink and took it out on the wall instead of his friend.

Yugi walked into the living room and sat on the couch and watched a Ryou rolled up a blunt and began to shake his head.

"So how are things?" Yugi said watching Ryou's every movement "Good, Kura is off at his mom's house for a while. Said something about how he needed to have some mommy time.. i don't know I didn't really listen to him." Ryou said licking the wrapper to the blunt to make sure that it was sealed 

"Have things calmed down since the other day?" Yugi said scratching the back of his hand, He hated talking about things like this with Ryou.

"Yeah, after I left the park I came home to a dozen roses and a romantic dinner. It was soo sweet, he told me that he was soo sorry. That he didn't know what came over him, but he vowed that he would never hit me again. even if he had to stop drinking." Ryou said picking up his lighter and running the flame over the seem before lighting the end.

" Well, if you believe him then i guess that is what counts." Yugi said reaching out for the blunt when Ryou passed it to him.

"I do, I really do Yuge." Ryou said smiling.

Ryou got up and and walked over to his computer and looked up some music, leaving Yugi to smoke. Yugi inhaled and held the smoke until he thought he was going to cough up his lung and blew out. He was starting to feel the mind numbing high that he didn't realized that he missed so much. He hit it again thinking of the problems that he was having in his own life and before he knew it, almost half of the blunt was gone.

"God Yugi.. you going to save some for me?"Ryou said crossing the room and taking the blunt from Yugi.

"Oh, man. I'm soo sorry Ry." Yugi said looking down at the floor

"Dude, its ok." Ryou said smiling and laughing.

 

They finished smoking and settled down to watch a movie and eat some pizza watching "Spiceworld" for the millionth time, they decided to head to the bedroom to get some sleep in.

Yugi got in bed behind Ryou and cuddled him, it was never anything between him and Ryou but it was nice to have a nice warm body to curl up next to. It wasn’t before too long that the sounds of Ryous soft snoring lead him to slumber as well.

  
  


Yugi awoke the next morning to a loud crash and a muffled scream. He looked over to his left where Ryou had fallen asleep last night and saw that he was not there. He walked to the door and slightly opened it. He couldn't see much of anything but he could head Bakura's voice.

" Why the fuck is there someone else in our bed?" He said grabbing Ryou by the shoulders.

" Baby.. it's Yugi.. he came over and hung out with me last night while you were at your moms." Ryou said crying 

"Did I say that you could have someone else in my house when I was gone?" Bakura said followed by a loud slap.

" You have till I come back from the store to get that fagot out of my house." Bakura said slamming the door.


	7. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi deals with the fallout of what he witnessed at Ryou and Bakuras house, he also takes a big step towards his relationship with Yami

Chapter : Time Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul. I also don't own "time" That is by Cute is what we aim for. Story is unbated so all mistakes are my own and I own up to them. However if someone one wants to Bata for me that would be love.

 

Yugi walked out of the bedroom to his crying friend who was kneeling in the floor. He walked over to him and helped him stand up. He shook his head and pulled Ryou into a hug. He knew there wasn't anything to say, so he just hugged his friend.Ryou in yugi’s tiny embrace let his body be wrecked with sobs. Ryou seemed to cry until there wasn’t any water left in his body. When he was just a mess of quivering breaths Yugi pulled back.  
“I am not going to leave you here with him..” Yugi looked at his friend  
“Please Yugi, I don't want it to get any worse. And i mean i get it, i should have asked…” Ryou said sucking his busted lip.  
Yugi didn’t want to leave his friend like that, but he knew that Ryou wouldn’t leave with him, there wasn’t any point in trying to protest.  
"Call me if it gets any worse. I'll come back and get you. And you can leave this behind. Ok. I love you, remember that." Yugi said looking at his friend and walked back to the bedroom to get his stuff.

Yugi walked out of the front door and walked in the direction of the park, he pulled out his phone and called Joey. He didn't know who else to talk to. The phone rang twice and finally it was answered.  
"Hay Joe's busy, can he call you back?" Seto said giggling.  
"Yeah, tell him I need to talk to him when he gets a chance." Yugi said hanging up.  
Infuriated Yugi wanted to throw his phone. Wanted to just sceam until his lungs gave out. But instead he walked over to the swing set and sat down. He slowly began to swing and started to think about things.  
"I told you that you couldn t do anything right. And look at that, because of you Ryou got the shit beat out of him." the voice said to Yugi.

Yugi knew the sad part was, it was right. If he hadn't been there Bakura wouldn't have come home and hit Ryou. He sat on the swing and began to cry. He cried for his friend Ryou, he cried for Joey and last but not least himself. He just felt so lost and didn't know what to do any more. He wiped his eyes and cleared his voice when he felt his pocket start to vibrate. He looked at the phone and saw that it saw Yami. He contemplated not answering it for a minute, but instead chose to answer it.  
"Hello?" Yugi said clearing his throat  
"Where are you?" Yami said demanding  
"I'm at the park." Yugi said digging his feet in the sand.  
"Get in the car." Yami said hanging up the phone.  
Yugi walked towards the front of the park and walked up to Yami s car and opened the door and got in. He settled down in his seat and put on his seat belt.  
"Where have you been?" Yami said looking at him  
“I told you last night. I went to Ryou's house to hang out with him." Yugi said chewing his pointer finger nail.  
"Yeah.. You smell like pot. Did you smoke pot with him?" Yami asked looking at Yugi.  
"Yeah, but Bakura came home this morning and hit Ryou again." Yugi said looking out of the window.  
"I can't believe that you did that… what?" Yami said stopping short.

Yugi could feel his tears starting to well up in his eyes again. How he wished he could have gone in there and saved Ryou. He wished he could have been a stronger person and stood up to Bakura. He wished that he didn't hate himself more and more with every passing day and last off he wished that Yami would just love him.  
"Yugi, what's wrong?" Yami asked putting his hand on his shoulder.  
"Everything.." Yugi screamed as tears began to stream hot down his cheeks.  
"Yugi do you want to talk about it"? Yami asked looking at him with his crimson eyes that were full of concern.  
"No! I just want to go home." Yugi said rubbing his eyes again.

They drove back to the house in silence with an occasional sniff that came from Yugi. When the car finally came to a stop outside of the house Yugi unbuckled his seatbelt and took off towards the house, with Yami behind him. Yugi opened the door, looked at his grandfather who was asleep on the couch and ran upstairs to the bedroom that he shared with Yami. Yami closed the door behind Yugi and locked it and took off after his friend. He opened the door to see Yugi sprawled out on his bed crying in his pillow. He was unsure how to handle this, so he sat on the bed and rubbed Yugi s back.  
Yugi sat up and looked at Yami though his bloodshot eyes "Yami.. Why don't you want to be with me?" Yugi said sniffing  
"Yugi, it's not that I don't love you, I just think we work better as friends.." Yami said pushing Yugi s bangs out of his eyes.  
"What does she have that I don't?" Yugi asked looking at Yami  
"Yugi It's not like that.." Yami trailed off  
Yugi didn't know what else he could say to Yami. Yami claimed to love him, but said that they worked better as friends. To Yugi that's what a lover was, someone who was your best friend that you could tell everything to and they wouldn't judge you because they loved you unconditionally. Yugi looked at Yami in the eyes and did the only thing he knew how to do, he leaned forward and kissed Yami.


	8. I've got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi runs away from Yami so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that his kiss went wrong; however Yugi gets himself into more trouble than he bargained for

Chapter: i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth  


Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse and Rape. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul. Story is unbated so all mistakes are my own and I own up to them. However if someone one wants to Bata for me that would be love.=]

  
  


Yugi waited to feel the jolt of electricity that he knew he should have felt when he pressed his lips to Yami's but nothing came. Yami wasn't even kissing him back, it was all him and he had never felt so low in his life. He quickly opened his eyes and a look of disappointment  filled his small face. Yami just sat there with a blank expression, as if he was indifferent to what had just happened. Yugi didn’t even give Yami time to respond to his action and his lack there of when Yugi pushed him out of the way and ran down the stairs to the front door. He opened it and ran out of it not bothering to shut it behind him. He ran for what seemed like forever until he was in a part of town that he didn't really recognize. He looked around and tried to breathe deep, to stop himself from hyperventilating, but the panic was quickly starting to set in. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the contents, he has a total of five dollars.

"Fucking great!" Yugi said walking down the street.

Yugi walked until he his legs began to hurt, seeing an ally down the street he slowly walked over to it and looked down it not seeing nothing he walked to the center and sat down. Before too long Yugi unintentionally fell asleep.

 

Yugi woke to a loud crash and quickly jumped up. His vision was still blurry from sleep and he was slightly disoriented. He couldn't see much except for the lack of light and a figure that was coming towards him, he then blacked out again.

 

When Yugi woke up, he felt very cold. His vision was blurry once again and he quickly blinked out and tried to focus on the area around him. He didn't recognize the area but he did recognize the smell of urine. He tried to move only to quickly realize that he couldn't, the rope that was on his hands and feet was way too tight. He began to struggle and his struggling quickly set into panic. In his panicked state, he didn't realize how much noise he was making.

"hay look boys, looks like the cute little girly boy is awake." Said a man who had almost lost of his teeth.

"Yeah your right Jake. He is a hell of a lot cute when he's awake. And look at the eyes on him." Said the other man, He was an older man in his late 40's and very dirty looking. A third man quickly came around the corner, however he didn't say anything. He looked to be a younger man, maybe about 25. He didn't look half bad, just looked like he hadn't bathed in a while.

"what do you guys want with me?" Yugi asked his voice sounding smaller than his own short frame.

"Ahh, you hear that Shann? Little girly boy doesn't know what he want." The man with the missing teeth said turning to the younger man. All the man called Shann did was smile.

Yugi knew that somehow this wasn't going to end well.When Jake came over and grabbed him,the only thing he could do was try his best to fight him with his hands and feet being tied up. He moved as fast and as hard as his body would let him, but it seemed the more he moved the tighter Jake held on to him. He began to scream, but all that led to was a hard smack in the face and something being tired around his face. He kept trying to fight as he was thrown on a dirty mattress in the corner of the room where they were. Yugi landed face first on the mattress with hands quickly holding him down after he landed.

Yugi felt someone reach their hand between his legs to his zipper and he began to panic once again, He once again tried to fight off his attackers, but all this earned him was a punch to the back of the head, which caused him to black out.

Yugi woke up to the most agonizing pain that he had ever felt in his life. He felt like he was being invaded from the inside, and that he was being ripped alive. but in the mix of everything he felt his own cock harden benighted him. Suddenly the feeling of being invading was gone, left only by the feeling of being empty, his body whimpered at the loss of the feeling. Behind him he heard someone talking.

"See boys, I told you the girly boy would love a nice big cock in him. Let me show you boys how its done." He said spitting in his hand.

Within seconds Yugi once again felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside. He let out a Scream of pain that only seemed to encourage his attacker. He thrust harder until he finally let out a triumphant scream and filled up Yugi with his load. Turning him over so his friends could finish their self's on Yugi's face.

 

Yugi had never been more disgusted in his life. He knew he was gay, so it wasn’t the gay sex that had made him feel this way. He felt so used, and he hated himself even more because for a moment he had gotten hard. Still tied up and sobbing Yugi could hear the men in the room still laughing and joking with each other. He heard footsteps approach him and stop. He held his breath, fearing that there was going to be more to come. 

Thats when he felt something pierce his arm, and a few seconds late came a rush like he had never felt before. Then came the weightlessness 


	9. Hipbones and Microphones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey finds Yugi and takes him to the hospital

Chapter 9:Hipbones and Microphones

Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted

Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul. I also don't own "hipbones and microphones " That is by cute is what we aim for. Story is unbataed so all mistakes are my own and I own up to them. As always R&R

 

When Yugi woke up, it was to searing pain in his backside. His head was throbbing and he was unsure how we had gotten to the place that he was.H He stood up and took in the scene around him, when the memories started to come back to him. 

" _ Oh, God guys. This little bitch is soo tight..I'm not going to be long and then it will be your turn." _

Yugi felt his stomach turn and before he knew it he was bent over vomiting up the bile that was in his stomach. He stood up wiping his mouth and started to walk towards the only door that he saw. With his first step he noticed how much it was going to hurt to walk. He grit his teeth and picked up his pace, with the fear that his attackers would soon be back.

 

Once Yugi got back to the street he walked to the first pay phone he found. He dialed  the first number that he thought of. He waited while the phone rang until it finally went to voice mail

"leave me a message.. bye." Came the sound of Ryou's voice on the other side of the line.

"Fuck!" Yugi yelled.

Yugi got his money out and tapped his foot against the concrete trying to find out who else he should call. Finally he took a deep breath and once again put his money back in the phone and dialed another number, He sat through the rings until someone answered.

"Joey's Brooklyn Pizza. Can I help you?" Came the voice on the other side of the phone

"Joe.. its me." Yugi said into the phone trying not to sound as panicked as he was feeling.

"Yuge? What's wrong? Why you calling me from a pay phone?" Joey said asking a million questions at once.

"Joey. I'm in the bad part of downtown and I need you to come get me or have one of Seto's drivers come get me." Yugi said taking deep breaths, as he was on the edge of breaking down.

"Yeah, Yuge. I'll be there soon as I can. What do you see?" Joey asked

"the street sign I see is '45h." Yugi said looking at the street sign.

"Alright man, I'll be there in a minute." Joey said hanging up the phone.

 

Yugi hung up the phone and leaned his head against the glass of the pay phone. If only he hadn't been so stupid, none of this would have happened. This all started because he couldn't get it through his thick skull that Yami didn't want him. He had never felt like a bigger idiot in his life.

" **See, if you would just listen to me instead of trying to fight me all the time none of this would have happened."** The voice said to him in a calming tone

"Shut up, you're not even real.." Yugi said shouting. Causing the older man walking down the street to stop and look at him.

Finally a limo pulled up next to him and the window rolled down. Joey's head poked out of the window and jerked his head to motion Yugi to get into the car. Yugi walked over to the car and quickly got his best to slowly and carefully sit down on the plush seats.

"Dude. You look like shit. What are you doing way down here anyway?" Joey said looking at his smaller friend.

"It's a long story Joe." Yugi said looking out of the window

"Well Yuge, I've got time." Joey said pressing Yugi to talk about why he was in such a bad part of town.

"Well it all started with Yami…" Yugi said as he began to tell Joey about everything that had went on in the last twenty four hours.

"Yuge, you need to go to the police.. and to the hospital." Joey said after listening to Yugi's story with tears in his eyes.

"I'm fine Joe. I just want to go home." Yugi said looking out of the window.

"Well, Yuge, I know you want to go home, but I'm not going to let you. Driver, Domino hospital please." Joey said talking to Yugi and the driver in the same breath.

 

They pulled up the hospital and Joey pulled Yugi out of the limo and walked with him to the emergency room. They walked in to see little kids crying and older people coughing and just general sickness. Joey led Yugi up to the front counter. A very plain looking girl with red hair looked at him.

"Can I help you?" She said looking at Yugi.

"Yeah… I…. Iwasraped." Yugi said rushing out the statement, making him feel even dirtier than he was.

"I'm sorry hun. What did you say?" she said looking into Yugi's face.

" I was…. Raped." Yugi said swallowing hard

"Oh, dear, come with me then hun." She said leading Yugi back to a room.

The room  the receptionist led him to was very clean and bright looking. A nurse quickly came back and gave him a gown and told him to change and a doctor would be with him in a few minutes. To Yugi those seemed to be the longest few minutes of his life.

 


	10. Chicago is so two years ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi gets some bad news at the hopsital

Chapter 10:Chicago is so two years ago

Warnings: mental illness (bipolar with psychotic features) Self-harm, and attempted

Suicide, Drug use and Spousal Abuse. One sided Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Ryou/Bakura

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I owned the show it would be a lot more twisted, I don't own the song "Stay Alive" that is by Smile Empty Soul. I also don't own "Chicago is so two years ago " Fall Out Boy. Story is unbataed so all mistakes are my own and I own up to them. As always R&R

 

"This is a mistake, I should just get one of Kaiba's drivers to take me home.." Yugi thought to himself. He couldn't stand the stark whiteness of the room; it only reminded him of how jaded he really was.

" **Well this is an interesting turn of events… Wouldn't you say so Yugi? I mean, not only did you force the 'love' of your life into a relationship he didn't want, but you done got yourself raped too. If you would have listened to me a long time ago and finally killed yourself you wouldn't be putting all these people through all this trouble."** The voice said in a cool soothing tone, completely mocking him.

 

Yugi dug the heels of his hands into his eyes hoping that would drive the voice out of his head, if it was only for a little while. Long enough for him to get himself out of the predicament that he had landed himself in, long enough to feel normal. All he wanted to do was to get up and walk out, forget about his clothes. He really wouldn't need them where he was going. Yugi was so spaced out that he never noticed the door opening and the doctor that gave him a puzzling look.

"Mr. Moto is everything ok?" The young looking doctor said to him.

Yugi looked up and and took in her appearance, She was short and had bright gray eyes. Something about her eyes made Yugi want to tell her everything, Yugi decided that this lady was suddenly very evil.

"Yeah" Yugi cleared his throat, "No. not at all." Yugi stopped, he never felt so close to crying in front of a complete stranger in his life.

The young woman sat in front of Yugi with his chart in her hands, She looked at him like she was ready for him to pour his heart out to her.

"Mr. Moto, my name is Dr. Bines. I just want to take a physical exam of you. That way I can see in what ways you are hurting, and hopefully the man that did this to you can be found and caught." She said resting her hand a foot or so away from Yugi's body.

"Men.." Yugi struggled to get the words to come out.

"I'm sorry? What was that?" She looked at Yugi with a look of concern.

" It wasn't just one person, there was three." Yugi said looking away from the doctor, not wanting to meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry Yugi." She said in a soft whisper,

The rape kit the doctor did on Yugi should have provoked some kind of response in him, but he just laid there and didn't move as the doctor swabbed him for evidence. He never met anyone's eyes and tried to keep his thinking under control. He felt everything the doctor did to him, but he felt as if the pain he felt was deserved. If he wouldn't have been so stupid and run out like he did, none of this would have ever happened. To him, it was his own fault that this happened to him.

"Ok, I'm done Mr. Moto, I'll have the cops come in and talk to you in a few minutes. You just sit tight." The doctor said to him shutting the door.

The police offers came and took a detailed account of the story and told him that they were going to do whatever they had to catch the men that did this to him. They quickly left and Yugi thought he was going to be alone for a few minutes, however as soon as he readjusted and got comfortable a lady with a notepad came and sat down in the seat next to Yugi's bed.

"Hello Yugi, I'm the hospitals counselor, I was just coming in to talk to you and to see if there was anything that would help you get over this, I know that it going to happen overnight, however I do think that talking to someone…" the lady continued talking but Yugi suddenly didn't hear her anymore."

**"Yeah Yugi, why don't you tell her how you ended up on that side of town anyway. Tell her about your love for a man that wants nothing to do with you. Oh, and while you're at it. Tell her about me, and then tell her about how you got off on three guys raping you."** The voiced whispered in his head sounding as smooth as silk.

"Yugi, is there something wrong hun?" The hospital therapist looked at him with wonder in her eyes.

“No mam, I am fine. I just feel a little strange and off.” Yugi said trying desperately to change the subject.

“Well Yugi, I know this is a touchy subject.. But were you a heroin user before the rape?” The lady said holding her clipboard

“Heroin? No..” Yugi said looking at the lady with disbelief. 

“Well sweetheart, they found it in your system. I just have to ask these questions, to see if that was one of the causes of this.”

Yugi felt the urge to vomit again. He felt as if the counselor was blaming him for what happened. But it was his fault, if he hadn't tried to push himself on Yami. this wouldn’t have ever happened.


	11. Not Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandpa gets called down the the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where our story starts to change from the original that i posted on FF so long ago.

Chapter 11:Not myself

 

Disclaimer: I dont own Yugioh or smile empty souls song or John Mayers song

  
  


Everything seemed like a blur as doctors came in and out of Yugi’s room. He didn’t even remember the counselor leaving. He just seemed in a daze. Nurses would come in every few minutes and talk to him to make sure he was ok. He couldn’t even muster up anything to say, He would just nod and stare off until they left.

Little did Yugi know that while he was in the room getting poked and prodded, Joey has called almost everyone he knew.People watched in the waiting room while Joey passed up and down the room on his cell phone calling every person that he knew. It wasn’t long before the waiting room was filled with people for the young teen. No one seemed to know what was going on, and the only person they would give information to was Yugi’s Grandpa, who hadn't gotten there yet.

“Joey what's going on?” Ryou shouted as he ran through the doors of the emergency room.

“Sir, imma need for you get be quite” an angry nurse said glaring at Ryou

Ryou seemed to pay her no mind as he tried to get answers out of Joey.

“Yug was raped Ry.. I don’t know what happened. He just called me and begged me to come get him.. He wouldn’t talk much and wanted to go home i made him come here, and they won't let me back there with him. The only person that they will talk to is Grandpa.” Joey said starting to look visibly shaken. Seto got out of a waiting room chair and walked up to confront his boyfriend.

“Raped… what do you mean they won't tell you anything?” Ryou seemed borderline hysterical. 

“Sir!” The grumpy nurse started at Ryou again.

“His best friend was just raped lady.. How about you back the fuck off” Bakura snapped at the nurse, trying to comfort his little lover.

 

As the commotion  was happening between Bakura and the nurse Grandpa had walked in, followed by Yami and Tea a few seconds later. Grandpa walked up to the nurses station and Yami and Tea walked over to their circle of friends. Joey watched them as they had come in the door. He could see the look of worry on Yamis face, and the look of annoyance on Tea’s.

“Joe, what happened?” Yami said walking up to his dear friend.

The nurses had taken Grandpa back to the room where Yugi was and the older man rushed to be by his side. Yugi was asleep, but the older man could see the damage that his grandsons rapist had done to his little frail body. Yugi’s face was bruised as was different parts of his body that he could see. The elder man felt his chest ache, He wished he could have taken his grandsons place on that hospital bed. 

 

A minutes late the curtain of the room was pulled back and a doctor with a bright white coat came into the room.

“Hello, you must be Mr Moto.” The woman said extending her hand

“Yes, sorry to have to meet this way, What can you tell me about my grandson?” Mr. Moto said shaking the younger woman's hand.

“Well Mr. Moto as far as rapes go, Yugi is very lucky. He does have some splitting and tearing to his anus, however there isn’t any internal damage that has been done. He doesn’t have any broken bones. I know that bruise on his face is concerning. However it's just that a bruise. However my worry doesn’t come from the rape itself but from what happens during and the aftermath of when reality sets in” The Doctor said with a concerned look on her face.

“What do you mean?” Grandpa looked Yugi not meeting the doctors gaze

“Well Mr. Moto, these cases are usually hand enough for a victim to deal with, usually once the shock wears off there is a lot of counseling that needs to be done, however with Yugi’s case I am afraid that it might be more than that…” She trailed off, sensing that Grandpa wasn’t going to meet her gaze any more the laid it on him.

“ They gave your grandson a pretty big dose of heroin.. He said that he’s not a user,But a lot of these times, it turns people into users.”


	12. OF All Of the Gin Joints in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi and friends deal with the fallout at the hospital and Tea starts questioning Yami about their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this feels kind of rushed, i may take it down and play with it some more

Chapter 12: Of all of the Gin Joints in the World

 

Discalimer: Still dont own Yugioh, SES song stay alive or anything by fall out boy (although i wish i had my own Patrick Stump)

  
  


When Yugi awoke his grandfather was asleep in the chair next to him, he was unsure of how the elder man had gotten there. He just felt ashamed that he had gotten himself into a situation that would worry his grandfather to worry so much. All the old man had ever done was make sure that Yugi was taken care of. And this is how he repaid him. 

**“Look at you, making the old man leave this late night to come clean up your messes. Worthless little boy..”**  The Voice whispered in his ear.

And again like most of the time the voice was right, He had done this to himself and now his grandfather was paying the price. He felt even worthless than he did the day before.

 

  Out in the waiting room a few hours had passed before Grandpa had come back out, Everyone seemed to wait on baited breath for the old man to return, The room was eerily quiet. No One seemed to have anything to say to another. 

When Grandpa finally did return, he didn’t have anything to say but to tell everyone to go home. He appreciated everyone coming out and showing support for his grandson, but there wasn’t anything that they could do at the moment. Plus they all needed to sleep, Grandpa didn’t want them to jeopardize their health. At first everyone seemed reluctant to leave. But one by one they all stood up and made their way over to hug the older man, saying that if he needed anything to call them.

Once by once Yami watched all his friend leave until it was just him, Grandpa and Tea standing in the room. The young man didn’t seem to have any words, his eyes looked almost dead.

“Take Tea home and go get some sleep, there isn’t anything you can do here. “ It was almost as if Grandpa could read his mind.

Yami gave no protest as he grabbed Tea’s hand and lead her toward the exit. They walked in silence out to the car until Tea dropped Yami’s hand and stopped.

Yami stopped walking and turned around and looked at Tea.

“What are we doing Yami?”

“Im taking you home…” Yami trailed off gesturing towards the car.

“No, not right now.. I mean what are ‘WE’ doing?” Tea looked at him with big blue eyes.

“This isn’t the time..” Yami said looking at nothing off in the distance

Tea sighed and walked to the car and opened the door, she didn’t want to press the issue, but she wanted answers. She wanted to know, was she Yami’s girlfriend or not? She knew that right then wasn’t exactly the right time to ask, but she couldn't’ stop herself. 

 

The ride back to Tea’s house was quiet, neither one of them spoke, too much tension in the air. She wanted answers and he wasn’t ready to give them yet. Yami hadn’t spend too much time thinking about their relationship, he knew that he liked Tea. But that was all he knew.

It was a nurse that walked in that started grandpa awake. He jumped with a start and took in where he was. It seemed to hit him where he was, then he looked at Yugi. He noticed that the small boy was awake. He smiled a small smile at him, and nodded at the nurse.

 

“Hi Grandpa..” Yugi broke the silence with a small voice. He was too ashamed to look at his grandfather, but he didn’t want him to feel ignored.

“Hello Yugi,” Grandpa said smoothing back Yugi’s hair.

 

“Well Mr. Moto, after you sign your paperwork, you will be free to go. But please remember the services that we talked about.” The new doctor that Yugi had never seen said. 


	13. Purple rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the hospital. Yami does some thinking

Chapter 13 Purple rain

  
  


Yugi hardly remembered leaving the hospital. Everything seemed a blur, the sights in front of him along the route home. Even the words that came out of grandpas mouth didn’t seem to make sense. Yugi just started blankly ahead of him.He felt so used so nasty. He thought about the men that had raped him. How they called him a girly boy over and over again. He thought about how they tied him up.Tears came from his eyes and he tried his best to hid them from his grandfather. This wasn't his burden.  


" **your right.. because all this because you kissed Yami"**

It was like a cold gust of breath in Yugi's ear. reminding him of the truth.

 

Grandpa looked at his small grandson and felt his heart break. The young fragile boy had it hard enough growing up without parents. Then on top of it the boy thought he was gay. Now mind you he didn’t have a problem with Yugi being gay, he still loved his grandson no matter what. Yugi was his pride and joy, he was all he had left of his beloved son. Watching Yugi grow into a young adult was hard, just wanting to solve all his problems for him. He looked at Yugi staring out of the window and wonder what was going on in the young boys mind.

  
  
  


Yami had dropped Tea off the night before with promises that he would think about what he wanted from her. But to be honest.. He only thought about Yugi. His best friend was laying in a hospital bed. He had no idea what had happened to him, and to top it off it was his fault. If Yami had done some many things Yugi wouldn't have run out of the house. Yami should have seen Yugi trying to kiss him from a mile away, and yet he didn’t. He was so shocked that he didn’t even react. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to wrap his arms and Yugi and profess his undying love.. Is that what Yugi expected? He hadn’t even thought of him like that. He was his best friend.. The one if it wasn’t for.. He would not be. And then there was Tea, who he was very attracted to. Or so he thought. He never seemed to have the reacting that he saw his friends have with their lovers. She was just a very pretty girl, who liked him. 

Yami went through the motions of cleaning up the house of the days messes. Just lost in his own thoughts. He walked up the stairs to the shower, passing pictures of Yugi that Grandpa had hung up over the years. Ever picture he passed his heart pained ever more. He finally reached their bedroom.He just wanted to sleep.

  
  
  


Yami awoke with a jolt the next morning as he heard movement downstairs in the house. He got up and quickly exited the bedroom and went downstairs where he found Yugi and Grandpa. 

“They released you already?” Yami looked at Yugi with concern.

Yugi didn’t say anything. He just looked up at Yami with eyes that didn’t seem the same anymore and turned to his grandfather.

“I'm sorry to have worried you so much Grandpa. Thank you for coming to get me.” He said with a small sad smile.

“Yugi…” Grandpa felt his heart break all over again at his grandsons sadness.

 

Yugi turned and walked towards the stairs and never said a word to Yami. He didn’t know what to say, the last time they saw each other Yugi had kissed him. Now Yugi was a different person. He was used, he felt so dirty. He just wanted to go shower.


	14. Adam's Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi comes up with a plan, does some thinking and does some listing to the voice in his head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. I wish i did. I also don't own SMS song Stay Alive. I also don't own Blink 182 song Adam's song
> 
> story is unbataed..

Chapter 14:ADAMS SONG

  
  
  


Yami waited for Yugi in their bedroom for him to get out of the shower. He knew that his tiny friend was suffering. But he knew that eventually he would have to talk about not only what happened to him but what had transpired between the two of them.

He felt like he was to blame, like if he had just kissed Yugi back he wouldn’t have run off. But he just didn’t know how he felt. He just wanted to go back to the point where everything was simpler. He didn't want to think. He was just numb to this situation. Yami sat down on his small twin bed across from Yugi’s and waited. Time seemed to pass so slowly. Minutes seemed like hours as he stared at the door.

  
  


Yugi sat in the tub and let the water fall down over his head and down his shoulders. He was just so numb. He felt so used, he had alway thought of his first time as a romantic encounter. Not being raped by three dirty guys in a wearhouse. What he had envisioned honestly was him and Yami, locked in an embrace before Yami would take his time along with the imagined innocence that everyone thought Yugi had.Yami felt himself starting to harden at the thought of Yami on top of him.

“Hmm so maybe i'm not broken..” Yugi thought.

“ **How much of a freak do you have to be to get hard 48 hours after getting gang raped?”** Yugi could feel the shiver go down his spine.

He was broken, and the voice had a point. The last thing that should have been was getting hard at the thought of Yami. He should feel disgusted by the thought of sex. 

Yugi looked down at the light scars on his hip and ran his fingers along them. He could feel his skin itch, knowing there was only on cure. He turned the shower off and stepped out. He grabbed for the towel that hung on the rack. He dried his hair and then his body,and wrapped his body in the towel and headed to his bedroom.

 

Yugi was unaware that Yami was sitting there waiting on him to get out of the shower. He opened the room still thinking about what the voice had said to him, and was so shocked he almost dropped his towel. Seeing that Yugi was visibly shaken by him being there Yami spoke up. 

 

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t think about you being in such a fragile state, i had wanted to talk to you. See if you were ok. It didn’t even occur to me that you might need space after a shower.” Yami said standing up and leaving the room.

 

“Give… give me a few minutes, please?” Yugi said looking at Yami afraid of what the older boy wanted to talk about.

 

“Take all the time you need. In fact, why don’t i go make us some tea?” Yami asked heading down the stairs leaving Yugi alone.

**“He doesn’t even want to be near you. Couldn't wait to get away from you.”**  Yugi could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes. 

Yami had never felt the need to leave the room before when Yugi arrived in just a towel, and now he couldn’t get away fast enough. Yugi had never felt so low. He just didn’t want to exist anymore. He wondered how in the matter of a few seconds he had managed to destroy his life. Yami was his best friend, and all he ever did was try his best to make sure Yugi was taken care of. And Yugi tried to force himself on him, knowing that in Yami’s eyes;Yugi was just his best friend.  Yugi sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. What was he going to do from here.

**“You know what you gotta do stupid…”** This time the voice almost seemed warm. 

Yugi got up off of his bed and walked over to the dresser, he pulled out some clothes and quickly got dressed. Yugi reached into his dirty clothes basket and found the pair of pants that contained his tiny treasure and put it into his pocket. He was going to end this today, he was sure of it.

Yugi climbed down the stairs and went to the kitchen. He saw that Yami was sitting at the table with two cups of tea. He walked over and sat down.

 

“Yugi, i made your favorite…” Yami said nodding at the cup.

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” Yugi sat down chewing his lip. He knew in his heart that this would be his last encounter with his love, and he wanted Yami to remember it and smile. There was no point in bring up painful memories. He wanted Yami to remember it as a nice cup of tea drake with a friend.

 

“Yugi, if you don’t want to talk about what happened. I understand. We don't have to right now. I just want to know that you are ok.” Yami said reaching over and grabbing his friend hand.

Yugi looked up at his with sad big purple eyes and Yami felt as though his soul was split in half. In all the years that Yami had known Yugi he had never seen this look in his eyes. It was a look of desperation and ultament sadness.

 

“I am fine, its ok Yami. Don’t worry about me. Thank you for the tea. I'm sorry to have worried you so much. And I’m sorry about the other thing too.. I don’t know what came over me…” Yugi trailed off taking a sip of the tea that Yami had made.

“But i just want to move forward from this. Thank you for being so concerned. We'll talk more tonight i promise. I want to go thank everyone for coming to the hospital. “ Yugi said standing up from the table.

 

**“Why even lie to him. Tell him the truth, that you are going to kill yourself. That you don’t have the guts to live a life where he doesn’t love you”**  Yugi pushed the voice out of his head, no matter how right it was.

Yugi walked downstairs to the game shop, he wanted to make sure that his grandfather knew just how much he loved him before he left. The man took care of Yugi his whole life. He gave up being an archeologist to take care of Yugi after his parents died. He knew that this would hurt the old man. But no more than Yugi felt he was hurting. He felt this was the only way to spare his grandfather from further embarrassment and burden. Yugi was useless. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hi Grandpa, I was headed out to to go thank everyone for coming out to the hospital. I just wanted to drop by and tell you i love you.” Yugi said walking over and hugging the elder man.

 

Yugi’s grandfather stood there and held his grandson. It had been a long time since Yugi had wanted to hug him. He outgrew hugs when he was 12, So the older man cherished a rare moment of affection with his grandson.

 

“Well don’t you be out too late. I was thinking of closing the shop early tonight so we could have dinner as a family.” Grandpa said when Yugi finally released him and backed up.

  
“Sure thing Grandpa..” Yugi said fighting back the guilt of what he knew he was about to do.   



	15. In Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi sets out to kill himself, but it seemed that fate intervened. Can this new boy Yugi met save him, or will he drag Yugi down a deeper hole?

Yugi walked out of the house and just walked and walked. He had so many things on his mind, Grandpa,Yami, the voice in his head and this gnawing feeling in his stomach.It was a dingy grey Sunday, not quite noon yet. There weren’t that many people out and about and to Yugi it was perfect.

**“The perfect day to kill yourself.. Nasty ugly day. Full off sadness just like you.”**  Yugi shrugged off the voice no matter how right it was. 

 

Yugi suddenly stopped walking. He didn’t know why, but it was like his entire being couldn’t move anymore. He was in besides the woods on the outside of the park that he used to play in when he was younger. He stood and looked at the park for a moment, as memories came flooding back to him.

 

_ In the distance is a younger version of Yugi’s grandfather, maybe mid 40’s pushing a toddler on a swing. He has a smile on his face and is laughing and making funny noises to the child in the swing. _

_ “Higher grandpa higher. I wanna touch the sky.” a young Yugi exclaimed. _

_ “The sky huh? Well if you say so.” he said pushing his young grandson. _

_ “Higher!!” Yugi screamed. _

 

Yugi shook his head to try to get the image out of his head. He didn’t want to think about things like that. It would just make his decision much harder. He needed to do this, he couldn’t take this life anymore and he didn’t see any other way out. This way Grandpa and Yami could get on with their lives. They wouldn’t have Yugi there bothering them anymore. And it seemed like he had stumbled on the perfect spot.

 

Yugi walked up into the woods and pushed his way to make himself a clearing. He had decided that this would be his resting place, by the time anyone found him. There would be no need for a pricy furnal, everyone could just get on with their lives. That is how Yugi wanted it. He walked further and further into the woods until he came to a clearing. He noticed that there was trash around and thought maybe this was where people came to hang out. People like the men who raped him.

Yugi saw down on one of the chairs that had been left out there and took out his blade. He played with it between his fingers, watching how the beams of sunlight that did manage to get through reflected off the blade. Yugi looked it and thought to himself how it was a beautiful sight. The sun gleaming off of the metal.

**“You would like that”**

Yugi let out a small laugh,the voice was right. Yugi was a twisted person, he had always found beauty in things that people always found weird. However none of that seemed to matter to him anymore, it would all be over soon. He would be free of this life and the pain that came with it. He pulled out his phone and began to type into the notes what would be his suicide note. He thought of each of the people he wanted to address and how they should all know that they were all very important to him. He was sorry that he was such a disappointment, that he wished he hadn’t failed them all so much.

Yugi was so wrapped up in writing his note, he didn’t hear the footsteps through the downed twigs and leaves. It wasn’t until the intruder made spoke that he even knew they were there.

“Oh, my bad dude… did know anyone had caught on to my spot..” Yugi looked up and it was a young man with black hair and bright green eyes. Those eyes seemed to burn into Yugi soul, like they called out to it. “Follow me..”

“Oh, i'm  sorry to disturb your space.” Yugi couldn’t take his eyes off this stranger. 

The boy was a full foot taller than Yugi almost, with a very small frame, but it was like it was too small,almost like he was sick, his ribs seemed to be poking out of the tight black shirt that he wore. His face was gaunt looking, but his eyes they mesmerized Yugi.

 

“Oh no, its cool man. It's cool to find someone else my age that likes the shit too. So i just usually hang out here.” The older boy said gesturing towards around the woods.

 

“Ugh…” Yugi trailed off not sure what he was talking about.

 

“Names Duke, by the way. My bitch mother always said i was bad at manners.” He said sticking his hand out.

 

“I’m Yugi, but i think you might have the wrong idea..” Yugi said biting down on his lip.

 

“Oh no its cool dude. I won't tell anyone. I'm not one of those kinds of junkies..” He said smiling sitting across from Yugi. 

 

Yugi watched him pull over his backpack and take things out of it. It seemed almost bottomless.  He pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, a cap of some sort, a metal spoon and a needle. It hit then what Duke had been talking about.

 

“So did you get a good score man? I know that this city can be difficult to cop if you don't know the right people.” Duke said as he arranged his things around his little makeshift table.

 

“Oh, I don’t do drugs sorry..” Yugi said biting his lip. “Not that im judging you. I mean everyone has their thing..”

**“Could you be any more fucking dumb..”** Yugi shook the voice off, right now was not the time.

 

“So you’re straight edge..” Duke said sitting back and taking Yugi in for what seemed like the first time. “So what are you doing out here?” 

 

“To be honest.. It seemed like the perfect place to kill myself.” Yugi pulled out the blade that he had put back into his pocket.

 

“Kill yourself huh?” Duke said going back to what he was doing. “Why would you want to do that for?” He said his eyes not meeting Yugi’s

“It’s a very long story. But i’ll leave so you can be alone.” Yugi said getting up.

“Hey kid wait!” Duke said finally looking up from what he  was doing.

 

Yugi looked at him, those eyes made him want to melt. They were so green. So big and round.

 

“What ever your running from…. This will make it stop. I wanted to kill myself too at one point, mom was beating the hell out of me. Talking about putting me out on the corner, since i wanted to be a fag. And i thought about killing myself all the time. I was screwing around with this guy, he told me to try it one time. And it worked.. Just putting that out there.”

 

Yugi took in Duke’s words, he thought about everything that had happened over the last few months with Yami lying to him, his failed kiss, his pour friend Ryou, his rape and most of all the voice that told him everything that he had always feared.

 

“Ok, i'll try it.. But i ain’t putting that thing in my arm..” He said pointing at Dukes little set up.

 

“I hope from the jump off you wouldn’t.” Duke said getting up and walking over to Yugi.

  
“Come on, ive got the perfect thing for you.” He said taking Yugi by the hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im not a huge fan of this pairing. but i thought that duke would be perfect for him. you will have to see if hes good or bad,  
> still not bataed


	16. Dreaming with a broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi decides to follow the boy with green eyes down the rabbit hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still not bataed.. sorry its taken so long to update...

Duke walked over to the chair that Yugi was sitting in and dragged it over to his table. He sat it down and then patted the seat, like he wanted Yugi to come sit in it.He walked over and sat back down at the head of the table and began to fumble with things.Yugi took the seat tha he was offered, and just watched wondering if he was making the right choice.

“Its ok little dude.” Duke said smiling up at him. The sunlight that did manage to make its way out of the clouds hit his eyes and Yugi could feel a lump starting to build in his throat.  
Duke took out a bag and it was a white powder. He seperated a little bit of it away from the bigger clump and took out a card, he scooped it up and handed it to Yugi.  
“ So you have never done this before?” Duke said. Yugi shook his head. The thought or the offer of it had never come up.  
“I mean i’ve smoked pot.. But that’s it..” Yugi said sheepishly  
“Oh you’ll be fine, this will just take the edge off of what’s going on in your head. So all you do is just snort this up. It’ll take about 10 or so minutes to kick in.” 

Yugi looked at the card in his hand. This was his last chance to back out of it, if he was going to.  
“Do it pussy, you still won't be able to get rid of me. I’m here for life.”  
With no further thought Yugi lifted the card to his nose and took a giant inhale. In the back of his throat was the nastiest taste that he had ever tasted. It almost made Yugi gag, sensing this Duke handed Yugi a bottle of water.   
“Its gross, but it works. “ Duke said laughing.   
Yugi sat back and watched at Duke mixed up his shot. Yugi had never seen this before, so he just stared. He watched Duke tie off his arm and find the perfect vain. He winced when Duke stuck the needle in his arm, But all Duke did was moan.

Yugi could feel a tingle start to spread though his body. It was like the entire world was fuzzy, for a moment it made him smile.   
“See, i told you, your problems will just melt away.” Duke said taking in Yugi’s smile. 

Yugi could tell that it was starting to effect Duke too. There would be moments that duke would slow down and stop moving. It would start to scare him and then Duke would pop up. Yugi could feel his eyelids start to grow heavy.

“You know kid, you’re really beautiful..” Yugi smiled as he felt himself drift off into nothingness.

 

When Yugi awoke he wasn’t sure what time it was, but he could tell by the dusk starting to settle in that he was going to be in trouble when he got home. Yugi looked around and didn’t see Duke. He was disappointed that he didn’t see him, however he didn’t really know what to expect. He had just done drugs with some random guy in the woods. Yugi got up thinking to himself that he was stupid, when he saw the note laying next to him.

 

Hey cutie,   
I wanted to stay until you woke up. But i needed to go get some more so i would be alright tomorrow. You are safe in those woods or i wouldn’t have left you there. I don’t have a phone right now. But if you want to come hang out again.. You know where to find me  
Duke

Under the note there was a small baggie with the white power that he had shared with Duke.  
Yugi smiled to himself and picked it up. Duke had thought enough about him to leave him some.  
He stuck it in his pocket and got up and started the walk back to his house.

 

Little did Yugi know while he was out Yami had gone through the trouble to make his favorite meal Hamburgers. He made them just how Yugi liked them with two slices of cheese and a couple slices of bacon. He had even gown through the trouble to make homemade french fries. He wanted to make sure everything was perfect for his best friend. He didn’t know how else he could make up for everything that had happened. Deep in his pockets he could feel his phone vibrating his thigh. He pulled it out of his pocket hoping that it was Yugi. His felt his face sink when he read the name on the caller id : Tea.

“Hey you, sorry i haven’t called, its been a crazy day or so.” Yami said trailing off.  
“I just missed you so much i had to call and hear your voice. So what's going on that you haven’t been able to talk to me?” Yami could hear the spite under Tea’s fake laugh.  
“Grandpa just had me doing a bunch of things so we could close up the shop early and try to get Yugi readjusted to life again.” Yami said eyeing the clock on the wall, he wondered what was taking Yugi so long.  
“Ugh, well have you thought about things?” Tea said  
Yami had been holding his breathing hoping that Tea wouldn’t bring it up, the last thing on his mind right now had been her, and now she was going to force him to think about it.  
“You know i care about you, a lot. I just need time to think and with everything that is going on here. It's hard. But after dinner how about i come over there and hang out for a bit. We’ll spend some time together and everything will be great.” Yami said hoping that she would take the bait and let him off the hook for awhile.  
“Ok, i guess.. But you better come over Yami..” Tea said hanging up the phone.

Yami put his phone down on the table and let out a big sigh. He really didn’t have the energy to put up with all of this right now,and he still didn’t know where Yugi was. Grandpa made his way into the kitchen following the smells that Yami had going on with the food.

“ Smells good, I'm sure Yugi will love it. Speaking of, Where is Yugi?” Grandpa asked looking around for his young grandson.  
“I'm not sure, he should have been home by now. “ Yami said “I can go out and look for him.”

 

Yugi stood outside of the game shop and took in a sharp breath, he almost didn’t want to go inside of his house. He still felt the warmth of the fuzzy feeling that was still in his body. It felt nice, and he hadn’t heard the voice in his head since he was in the woods. Yugi thought about Duke and smiled to himself, maybe he was what he needed to finally get Yami off of his mind. Yugi thought about those giant green eyes and felt himself melt. He had never felt like this before.

Yami stepped outside to go look for Yugi and was shocked to see him just standing outside their house. He seemed like he was lost in thought and unaware that Yami was even standing there.

“Hey, i was getting ready to come look for you. You have been gone a long time.” Yami said putting his hands in his pockets. 

“Oh, i'm sorry to worry you. “ it took a minutes for Yugi to register that Yami had spoken to him.

“It’s ok, i made your favorite for dinner.” Yami smiled down at his friend hoping that would make him come around to his old self.

“Thanks..” Yugi said walking into the house.


	17. Into the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The distance between Yugi and Yami is starting to become real. Yugi travels deeper down the rabbit hole and Yami takes a chance wit Tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still no bata, i try to reread chapters before i post them.
> 
> is anyone still reading?

Yugi knew that he should be feeling super grateful for the dinner that Yami had gone out of his way to make him. But he just picked at everything, he didn’t have a desire to eat, he just wanted to go up stairs and go to bed, therefore he could try to go out and find duke.

 

“You not very hungry Yugi?” Grandpa asked gesturing towards Yugi’s plate

 

“It's good, I guess my appetite hasn’t come back yet, I’ll be ok though Grandpa. “ Yugi looked at his grandpa and smiled and the elder man couldn’t help but feel a pain in his stomach.

 

“Well i can put it up for you if you get hungry later.” Yami said in between bites of food.

 

“That sounds great, Thank you. “ Yugi didn’t even look at Yami, just got up and pushed his chair under the table. “ I’m going upstairs to get ready for bed Grandpa.” Yugi said as he walked out of the room.

  
  


Yami bit down on his lip until he could taste the blood, why wouldn’t Yugi look at him. Did he still blame him for what had happened? He just wanted to rewind time so he could get his friend back. Before all this happened he lived a great life, and now he was put into a place where he had to confront all his emotions. He didn’t know if he was really ready for all of this.  He basically had a girlfriend, that he cared about, But it pales in comparison to what he felt for Yugi. But those feelings were wrong and he had to tell himself that everyday. He wasn’t gay, he told himself. He was just too attached to Yugi. He needed to distance himself, but now wasn’t the time. Yugi needed him, he told himself. He was confused and vulnerable and had been taken advantage of extremely. He needed friends to be there for him, while he got his life back together. 

  
  


Yami felt as if a million thoughts were running through his head while he put away the food. He knew that he needed to talk to Yugi and figure out what was going on in his head. And he knew that he couldn’t blow Tea off anymore, so he needed to go over to her house. But what he was going to tell her, he was still unsure.

He climbed the stairs up to the room that he shared with Yugi, to find the boy sitting on his bed with his phone in his hands.

 

“Who are you talking to?” Yami asked hoping to bait Yugi into a conversation.

 

“Joey.” Yugi said not even bothering to look at Yami.

 

“Anything interesting going on?” Yami said desperately trying again.

 

“No..” Yugi said trying on his phone, clearly not taking Yami’s bait.

 

“Well, i guess tell him i said hi.” Yami said reaching for his coat, clearly Yugi wasn’t going to talk to him right now.

 

“Well i guess if you don’t want to talk, im going to Tea’s house for a little while.” Yami stood there hoping that would get a reaction out of Yugi, but it seemed as if Yugi had just ignored him.

 

“Whatever.” Yami mumbled under his breath, walking out of the room and basically running down the staircase. He wasn’t going to stand around all night and wait for Yugi to talk to him. He had other things that he needed to be doing.

  
  


Yugi wanted to show a reaction to Yami when he said he was going to Tea’s house. He wanted to show the anger that was bubbling up inside his stomach. But Yami has rejected him. He didn’t want him. And he wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of seeing Yugi miserable. So Yugi chose to ignore him, hoping that he would go away and it had seemed to work.  Yugi had told Yami that he was speaking to Joey when in actually he was just starting at a black screen. Now that Yami was gone, Yugi could actually call Joey and tell him a constructed part of how he met Duke. Joey didn’t need to know everything. 

 

“Hey kid, i was wondering if i was going to have to come over there and force you to talk to me. “ Joey said picking up the phone.

 

“Sorry man, just needed some time to get my head together. But I am ok, in fact.. I met someone.” Yugi wondered if Joey could see the smile on his face.

 

“Met someone? How did you do that Yuge?” Joey asked his best friend prying.

 

“Well. i was out walking around town, you know getting my head together and we just kinda met. His name is Duke. I don’t think he’s from around here though.” Yugi started rambling.

 

“Well what does he look like?” Joey wanted to know all he could about the boy that suddenly had Yugi’s attention. Especially so soon after Yugi’s rape. He thought that should have been the last thing on Yugi’s mind, but who was he to judge.

 

Yugi went into details about Duke to Joey and felt as if he was acting like a schoolgirl. He hardly even knew this guy, but Yugi suddenly became so enamored with him that it was all he wanted to talk about. Joey had filled Yugi in with what was going on with him and Seto, and could tell that Yugi was entirely listening to him. He decided to cut the conversation short.

 

“Hey Yuge.. I gotta go.” Yugi was sad that Joey wanted to get off the phone but he understood.

 

“Ok, i'll talk to you later man.”Yugi hung up the phone.  He sighed an loud sigh and sat up in his bed. He wondered what Duke was doing. He got up and shut the bedroom door. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the baggie that Duke had given him along with the note that was with it. Yugi smiled to himself as he reached over to his dresser and grabbed a book. He poured the little bit of power out of the bag and inhaled it quickly. 

 

As quick as Yugi had inhaled the power, his gag reflex took over. He searched around his bedroom for a bottle of water, remembering how Duke had warned him the last time about the after taste. Yugi finally found one of the side of his bed and greedly drank it down. He cleaned up the baggie and the note and shoved them in his wallet, knowing that Yami would find them if he did laundry next.

 

Yugi turned on some music and laid back and waited for the fuzzy feeling to take him over. He smiled as he felt it start to take over his body. He felt his eyelids grow heavy and settled down deeper in his bed. Yugi thought Duke had been right when he said that it would make Yugi’s problems go away. He just felt warmth now. He smiled as he thought of those piercing green eyes, and the warmth that he felt in them. Yugi drifted off into dreamland with those eyes in his mind.

  
  
  
  


Yami had pulled up to Tea’s house and sat in the car for a few minutes. He was still slightly fuming at the fact that Yugi had hardly spoken two words to him. How dare he, after he had slaved over that meal almost half the night. And Yugi couldn’t bring himself to eat it. He instantly regretted thinking like that. He knew that Yugi was going through a lot right now. He should be a better friend an be there for him. That brought him back to Tea, he knew that he couldn’t just sit outside of her house all night. He was going to have to go in and talk to her. But what was he going to tell her, “yes i care a great deal about you. But i don’t get that feeling with you that i do when i look into Yugi’s eyes. I don’t get that heart pounding in my chest feeling with you. I want to, but i just don’t. But be patient with me while i learn to have that feeling for you.”  Yami laughed at the thought. She would probably slap him in the face and tell him that she never wanted to see him again.

 

“You gonna come in, or just sit out here all night?” Yami about jumped out of his skin. He never heard Tea approach the car.

 

“Sorry was deep in thought.” Yami said smiling up at her.

 

“I can see that. “ she laughed and smiled at him.

 

She walked around and opened the passenger door of the car and sat down. She turned her back toward the door and took in the sight that was Yami. He was dressed in skin tight black pants and a dark red t shirt. She could just eat him alive, he looked so good.

 

“I thought this might make it a little easier for you. “ she smiled.

 

Yami took in Tea sitting in his car, she was a very attractive girl. Her smile was to die for, and that smile was all his. If he wanted it. Her eyes shone with an excitement that he had never seen from her. She looked like she has a secret that she only wanted to tell him.

 

“Well? I don’t mean to be pushy.. But you did drive all the way over here.” Tea said hoping that maybe if she poked her chest out a little, Yami would see what he was being offered.

 

“I mean, i really care about you. A lot. And you're very attractive, i’m just weary of putting a name to it. I would just hope that you understand that i would like to take this very slow. “ Yami said gulping down his feelings. He needed to do this, it was what was right.

 

“So does that mean Yami, you want to be my boyfriend?” Tea asked with a smile that Yami had never seen.

 

“Yes.. “ Yami gulped and reached forward towards Tea and met her lips with his.


End file.
